My only talent is breathing
I said this to my mom and she just said “you have asthma, moron”
I hate bad jokes unless I make them
LET’S MAKE THE MOST OF THE NIGHT LIKE WE’RE GONNA DIE YOUNG
I always shipped Joey and Phoebe, he just seems to absolutely adore her
So did Lisa Kudrow and Matt LeBlanc. They at one point went to the writers and asked if it could be revealed that Joey and Phoebe had been sleeping together for forever.
apparently girls don’t like wearing bras. who knew.
We like to be naked
This is true
We would be naked everyday if men didn’t have expectations and think “we’re asking for it”.
It got better!!
here’s a picture of my dad pretending to be in new-york
according to physics, nothing ever quite touches. when you lay your hand on something, there is a microscopic amount of space between the atoms of your hand and whatever you’re touching. so no, officer, technically i’m not jacking off right now
me at school